Car trouble

My car won’t start. I turn the key and it makes a funny noise.

I have to go to work. I have to go to school and the car won’t start.

I don’t know what to do.

Are you out of gas? Is the gas tank empty?

I know you! You don’t buy gas.

The gas tank is full. I have plenty of gas. That’s not the problem.

Open the hood and look at the battery. Are the cables connected?

Are the terminals clean? Scrub the battery with a brush.

The battery is clean. It looks OK. I can’t wiggle the cables; they’re tight and secure.

I need help. I’m stuck at home and my car won’t start. I don’t know what to do.

Can you help me, please?

Do you have jumper cables? Look in the trunk and see if you have them.

Look for two long wires, one red and one black. They have clamps on the ends.

Yes, I have jumper cables but I don’t know how to use them. Boo hoo!

How to use jumper cables: Turn off both motors. Do not let the clamps touch each other or anything except the correct terminals. Connect the positive terminal of one car’s battery to the positive terminal of the other with the black wire. Now connect the negative terminals with the red wire. Start the good car. Then start the problem car. Do not turn off the motor of the car that had the problem. Turn off the car that was good. Disconnect the cables and close the hoods of both cars. Keep the engine running until you get to a mechanic or fully charge the battery. Disclaimer: I’m not a mechanic. Follow these instructions at your own risk.